The irony of it all

Take your pick:

Ohio police dog bites man accused of dogfighting

Accused drunk driver ends up running over himself

Woman arrested after setting fire to demons

Billboard thief gets his own ad campaign

In other news, something does not sound right with the following:

Bird Lady told to reduce size of her flock

Related Update to Item Number 1: Michael Vick just pleaded guilty.

Snakes on a Plane sequel

Worms on a train.

Japanese man arrested for releasing worms on trains to scare women

“A JAPANESE man has been arrested for releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a moving express train to try to scare female passengers, police say.

‘I wanted to see women get scared and shake their legs,”’police quoted 35-year-old Manabu Mizuta as saying.”

In other worm-related news:

Docs Find Worm in Woman’s Brain

“It is not known where she picked up the worm.”

On the train, perhaps?

Funniest Survivor Prank Ever

My first time providing Survivor commentary and I’m instantly blessed with a classic episode. In my book, the recent episode has got to be one of the five or ten most memorable of all time. And in terms of pure comedic value, it probably is number one.

Let me set everything up first.  You see it’s Day 30 and we are left with eight castaways who, for the most part of the game, spent their time hating each others’ guts with a passion: Sugar hates Randy and Corinne, Corinne hates Sugar and Susie, Crystal really hates Randy, and Randy hates pretty much everybody else. Which is why it’s easy to draw battle lines between the castaways; they would rather stay mean and nasty, rather than entertain the thought of aligning with certain people they cannot stand, or at least even pretend to be nice to them because this is after all, a social game.

Also, it’s not enough for these castaways to simply tell the camera that they cannot stand certain people. No, they go out of their way to make sure that their confessionals deliver the maximum hurt possible when the show finally goes on air, resulting in perhaps the most vicious name-calling we’ve had in all seventeen seasons of the show. You have Crystal comparing Randy to a “troll under the bridge.” You have Randy calling Crystal Big Foot, Sasquatch, and T-Rex – and also “bitch” when he tried to vote her out last week. You have Corinne calling Sugar a moron, and this was when she was trying to get her vote! And let us not forget the precious moments of previous Tribal Councils such as when Crystal flicked the bird while voting for Kelly and when Sugar wrote down “Ace-Hole” when she voted out  Ace.

That explains it!

On yesterday’s News of the Day, I wrote about a CNN article reporting a space incident wherein a spacewalking astronaut inadvertently sent a tool bag drifting into space.  The article also mentioned similar incidents in the past, including one wherein an astronaut sent a 14-inch spatula hurtling into the deep unknown.  Naturally, I wondered, what in the world would a spacewalking astronaut use a 14-inch spatula for?! Well, based on today’s news item, I finally know the answer: to swat spacewalking spiders of course!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article5192973.ece

Nasa loses spider on international space station

“Astronauts were hunting for a missing party guest as they prepared to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the International Space Station.

One of two spiders sent to the orbiting laboratory aboard the space shuttle Endeavour last week was added to the lost property list after the crew checked its tank and found it empty.

Anxious to quash fears that the absent arachnid may be marauding around the space station, Nasa managers insisted that the second orb-weaver was not exactly lost, it just couldn’t be found.”

Also in the article:

“The runaway spider, which was meant to be the back-up should the chief spider be incapacitated for any reason, was reported AWOL after Endeavour’s crew cracked open the cargo container containing its tank along with equipment including a new kitchen and toilet, additional living quarters for the station’s staff and a $250 million machine that will allow future crews to recycle their urine for drinking water.”

This brings new meaning to the term “water cycle.”

Spatulas in space

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/TECH/space/11/18/endeavour.spacewalk/index.html

Astronaut loses tool bag during spacewalk

“Things didn’t go quite according to plan for astronaut Heide Stefanyshyn-Piper during her spacewalk outside the International Space Station on Tuesday.

First, a grease gun inside her tool bag leaked, coating everything inside with a film of lubricant.

While she was trying to clean it up in the absence of gravity, the whole bag floated away.”

Apparently, this isn’t the first time the first time that an astronaut sent an object drifting into space.  The article cites similar incidents in the past where tools ended up drifitng in space, including this one:

“– During a July 2006 spacewalk, astronauts Piers Sellers and Michael Fossum lost a 14-inch spatula while testing a method to repair the space shuttle.”

This begs the following question to be asked: So what exactly were they doing with a spatula in outer space? Baking a cake?!

Welcome to my blog…and Happy World Toilet Day

It is with great pride and joy that I share with you the amazing fact that the birth of my new blog coincides with World Toilet Day, a cherished annual tradition thought up by people who probably have lots of spare time.

No, actually World Toilet Day is a serious occasion, and it seeks to raise awareness of the world’s growing sanitary crisis through different ways.  One such way is the online game Turdlywinks, wherein according to its directions, the aim is to “flick ‘turdlywink’ counters into ‘toilet’ targets to help achieve the vision of 100 percent sanitation coverage!”  The directions also state that there are six toilet targets in all for you to flick your turdlywink into, after which you get to face–get ready for this–the Boss Toilet!

But really, the growing global sanitary crisis is an important issue and we should do something about it.  This was brought to light by World Toilet Organization (yes there is such a thing) founder Jack Sims in a speech at the recent World Toilet Summit (that too).  Sims mentioned that the concept of the flushing toilet was unsustainable, thus providing the Herald Sun article where I got this news from the appropriate title “Experts call for end of flushing toilets on World Toilet Day,” which I of course took literally, as evidenced by the fact that I currently have an open Microsoft Calculator application, and my Internet browsing history now contains the Google search string “average human poop.”

Fantasy

The United States recently held its presidential elections last November 4.  And as a concerned non-American who wants to keep up-to-date with the latest happenings in the world today, I spent the entire post-election morning logged on to the internet, looking at intricate graphs showing the latest performance of the players on my fantasy basketball team.

Some of you might have no idea what fantasy basketball is, so let me explain.  Basically, fantasy basketball is a recreational activity wherein–as the name suggests–you form a team of NBA players, whom you dress up in princess costumes and dance along with to the tune of Disney theme songs.

No wait!  Fantasy basketball is not like that!  It’s actually much weirder.  What happens is you form an imaginary team of NBA players, whom you pit in an imaginary basketball league, to play imaginary games against other imaginary teams owned by–quite possibly–imaginary friends.  You acquire players for your team via a process called the draft, wherein you pore over a list of available players and come across names such as Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Nikoloz Tsikitishvili, DJ Mbenga, Kelenna Azubuike, and Cory Underwood.